


if only

by emofrnkie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emofrnkie/pseuds/emofrnkie
Summary: This isn't based on a true story, it's based on thousands of them.





	if only

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for what you're about to read. I tried to make it as implicit as possible so you can only imagine what would happen. Sadly this is a cruel reality we live in and every victim had their own tremendous story so i'm not trying to generalize. This is just an example of what could have happened. Always remind people to be kind to each other.

The last thing Minhyuk could think of when he was eight was developing a crush on his classmate. What can kids understand about love? Probably more than most adults do, they just can't recognize it.   
"I just like you more than I like all my other friends" said Minhyuk, giving Hoseok a piece of his sandwich.   
Hoseok giggled. "What does this mean?"   
Minhyuk looked at him confusedly "To be honest... I don't know. It's just easier for me to share my food and my toys with you. Mommy said that if you're willing to share your food with someone then it's called mmmh...love?"  
"Do you love me?"  
"I think so"  
It was okay for both of them. They were kids, they didn't understand how the world worked.

It was when Minhyuk turned fourteen that he got a taste of the bitterness that offensive words can have.  
"I..."  
"Shut up, you faggot." Changkyun pushed him and Minhyuk fell, hitting his back on the wall. "I didn't do anything. What's wrong with...me?"  
"Everything. Learn what's wrong and what's right. Girls with boys. GIRLS WITH BOYS!"  
"But I.."  
Girls with boys. Changkyun was right. Why didn't he realize earlier that it was wrong. He was wrong.  
"I'm sorry..."  
Changkyun spit on the ground. " Get up, let's go to eat."  
Minhyuk nodded and got up. Changkyun was his friend and he was doing it to help him. Minhyuk smiled at him and Changkyun looked at him with venomous eyes. That venom was dangerous.

Minhyuk kissed a girl. She was pretty. Changkyun was looking at them, laughing.  
"If you don't do this we can't be friends anymore."  
She kissed him. He stood still while she was moving her lips on his. When they parted his eyes were empty.  
"God, Minhyuk. What's wrong with you."  
Changkyun hit the glass behind Minhyuk. Then his first hit Minhyuk's stomach. One time, two times. At the third one Minhyuk fell down. His knees were covered by glass shards. They were cutting into his skin. Minhyuk hid his head between his hands. Last time Changkyun hit Minhyuk's head so bad he had to skip school for one week to recover. But it was okay. Changkyun made it for him. He was his friend, the only person that talked to him when Wonho had to leave. 

Minhyuk started getting confused when he met Kihyun and Jooheon. He was sixteen. Minhyuk's wounds were getting worse.  
"You're a sick human being." Changkyun always told him. Minhyuk believed everything Changkyun told him but Kihyun and Jooheon didn't agree. " Why are you still his friend?" Kihyun always asked him. Minhyuk was confused. Why was he Changkyun's friend?  
"He's just helping me"  
"Helping you by killing you?"  
"He didn't kill me."  
"Yet" this time it was Jooheon, who joined them at the cafeteria.

Jooheon. That boy was on another level. He was Minhyuk's first true love. It was that kind of love that you can't feel at first. It grew with time and when Minhyuk couldn't handle it anymore he selfishly told Jooheon what was on his mind. That's how Jooheon got a free ride on an emotional roller coaster.   
When he told Changkyun, Minhyuk ended up in hospital.  
"Don't talk to me ever again"  
Minhyuk tried not to. At first it was difficult but not knowing the difference between a true friendship and an abusive one was such a weird thing. 

Minhyuk got used to feeling loved. Jooheon wasn't afraid to tell Minhyuk that he loved him. He truly did.   
Kihyun smiled everytime he saw them but he grew distant with time. His smiles got fake and he looked like he wanted to run away from them.  
Kihyun was truly scared of what people could say if they saw him being friend with... them.  
Shownu was the one who caught his attention and warned him. Shownu took Minhyuk's place next to Changkyun and of course it was because the two of them got along so well.

Last time Minhyuk talked to Kinyun he cried.   
"I thought about that and maybe Changkyun was right. There are good things and there's ... whatever it's happening into your life right now."  
"But, Kihyun... do you want to lose both me and Jooheon?"   
"It's not that much of a loss. I don't want people to point at me as one of you."  
One of them. Minhyuk hated labels. What was the point of giving people a name for what they loved? That's how Minhyuk became a label and not a person.

Minhyuk was happy when he was alone with Jooheon. He felt right. Jooheon loved it too. Soon it became a habit of them cuddling in bed all evening and not caring about anything else. That's how Jooheon stole Minhyuk's first kiss and slowly he was taking his heart too. Minhyuk knew that it was dangerous but he trusted Jooheon. 

Whenever Minhyuk spotted Changkyun he learned to avoid him but it wasn't always efficient so he ended up gasping for air after Changkyun hit him in the stomach and left him alone.  
When Minhyuk was lucky he'd end up with just some bruises. Jooheon was angry at himself because he couldn't protect Minhyuk. It was them against everyone else. 

When Minhyuk was eighteen he realized he was hurting Jooheon. The boy loved him but Minhyuk was too weak so Jooheon would blame himself for everything. It wasn't fair. 

Shownu's punches were more powerful than Changkyun's and Minhyuk couldn't get used to them so easily. Kihyun wouldn't help him and pass by, even giggling when he saw his ex friend in a dangerous situation. Was that the cruel word his mom warned him about? Living became hard for Minhyuk but he still had Jooheon. At least he had his pill of happiness. Minhyuk felt guilty for forcing Jooheon to be with him. Jooheon didn't want to leave when Minhyuk asked him to. He said that everything they will get through will lead them to happiness someday and Jooheon saw a bright future whenever he looked into Minhyuk's eyes. But Minhyuk saw his pills and blood running down his chin.   
It was sad being eightneen and wanting to end it all. Minhyuk couldn't be that selfish, Jooheon didn't deserve to suffer like that because of him. For love you have to give up on love itself. Jooheon didn't want to hear it, he couldn't accept being trapped in a reality where Minhyuk wasn't next to him. 

People are rotten in the inside and that's not a new thing. Minhyuk couldn't get rid of the voices that told him to die because he was a mistake. They were right, Minhyuk thought.  
The last message Minhyuk sent wasn't even a goodbye one because he still hoped to wake up and find out it was all a nightmare, go back to Jooheon and kiss him again and again. But Minhyuk only smiled at him when he left. He preferred to see him happy as a last memory. And that's how Minhyuk left. So young and hopeless.   
When he was there, darkness in front of him and his shaky hand gripping the metal, he only thought about Jooheon.   
Then he jumped.   
He thought about how beautiful could it be if only people knew how to accept love.


End file.
